How do we keep our relationships, whether they be marriage or just long term, new?
The age old question right?
I’m not an expert by any means, but let’s just say I have done some research and had PLENTY of trial and error. I am still working on mine daily, but I have learned a few things along the way.
My future Husband and I (I refer to him as ‘Husband’ often, but we are actually tying the knot on June 1st this year)
I have run in to couples that have been married for a million years, or I would say 30+ is more accurate, and I always ask they made it, and how they keep making it everyday, it’s funny, some boggle my mind at how they accomplished that much time, but then they always something about SPONTANEITY. They also have plenty of advice about hardships and dealing with anger/fights…etc. but that will be another blog, at another time.
So here we are, How to keep a relationship Bright and Shiny new?
In long-term relationships we get in the “the groove” of things after awhile. Routine becomes normal, and we get comfortable in our relationships. There is nothing wrong with that, but it can lead to “ruts” or “boredom”.
Who has heard the saying “If you want to keep them, do what you did to get them” or the many forms of the phrase?
It isn’t true, well not in the sense that you have to do everything exactly the same forever. New relationships are shiny, brilliant, full of multifaceted excitement and discovery. Think of a new relationship as a brand new diamond, perfect clarity, cut and color, with minimal flaws. After time passes, that diamond will dull, right? It needs to be polished and cleaned to get back to that shiny and new look.
Now, most of us with diamonds of any kind, like to always keep them looking shiny and new. Same goes for your relationship, always keep polishing it, keep cleaning it and bring it back to it’s original luster.
I asked my Twitter followers about whether they had any advice for my readers, and was Lucky enough to have Christian Ostmo answer my tweet. He sent me an amazing article that I just LOVED! It was right along the lines of what I think keeping my relationship new should look like. I asked for advice for my readers on how to keep their relationships FRESH and NEW, this was his reply:
“Generically, I can say surprises and common goals. More specifically, I’ve surprised my wife with trips to Italy, Belgium, Paris (we live in Europe so it’s not too far or expensive). We do the A-Z dates where we each plan a date beginning with the letter..not telling the other person what it is. We journal every morning, talking about why we’re grateful for each other, and what our vision is together. We outline specific ways we’ll connect, etc..” Christian Ostmo-Twitter
I loved this comment, because it is exactly what I have learned works, the journaling was a new idea, but the surprising each other was exactly what I was looking for.
For example, my fiance shows up to my work multiple times during the week, sometimes we go to lunch ( We have 4 children, so this is our “date” time), sometimes he literally stops by so I can walk downstaris for a quick kiss, every so often he has shown up with flowers, or snacks, or just to spend a few minutes with me. Those little things, keep us fresh, 2 and a half years later, we are just as passionate and happy with each other as at the beginning.
I read Christians blog and it spoke about being together, that was already the second on my list. Spending time together.
#2 Spending time together (even when it’s fleeting)
A lot of my readers are parents, with dual career households. We get busy everyday, then come home and try to devote all our time to our kids. How are we supposed to find alone time? Well, my hubs and I like to do a lot of lunch dates, and I mean we even hit the steakhouse once in a while over lunch. We also go grocery shopping together as often as possible. It may not always be the romantic settings you find in movies, but even just simply sitting in the car, talking alone for an extra 10 minutes before going inside can feel like magic at the end of the day.
#3 Lol, There are no rules!
Always remember, each person is different, each couple is different, no one is the same. Communicate and read each other. Pay attention to the things they like, and actually be aware of their feelings. You can never be unprepared for any situation together if you’re on the same wave length, and if you feel like you’re not…TALK ABOUT IT. Too much in today’s day and age do we feel like we can’t be vulnerable to anyone else. That is the absolute best thing you can do with your significant other. BE VULNERABLE.
Well folks, that concludes my random talking for the day. I was feeling extra in love and wanted to write about it. 30 days until I marry my best friend. Wish me luck!